Author Incident Report

Offender: Frankie Rose

Offence: Succumbing to ‘The Rage’

Book title: Sovereign Hope

Release date: 1st July 2012

Incident:

On June 4th 2012, while walking to work, one Mr. Ivan Andrews of 4271 West Avenue, witnessed the alleged offender, armed with a neon pink spaghetti strainer, hanging from a tree, screaming abuse and throwing her shoes.

Upon approaching the alleged offender, Mr. Andrews enquired as to what seemed to be the problem. At this point, the offender is reported to have sworn profusely at Mr. Andrews and referred to him as a “stupid, stupid man.”

Mr. Andrews then reports that the alleged offender began climbing further up the tree in an attempt to reach a bird in the higher branches. Mr. Andrews suspects the bird was a Whip Poor Will, having heard its repeated calls from the sidewalk. The birdsong, Mr. Andrews reports, is what appeared to be sending the alleged offender into what he referred to as a “murderous rage.”

She was heard to scream, “I swear I’m going to kill you. You just wait. I’ll going to make you suffer, you monster!”  At this point, Mr. Andrews was met by a couple of women passing in the street who apparently knew the alleged offender. Both women were sympathetic to the offender’s cause, and began cheering her on.  Confused, Mr. Andrews claims he asked the women what was going on. He indicates the women told him the alleged offender was a writer, and the bird had been singing outside her study window for extended periods of time, distracting the alleged offender from her work. This, according to the women, was unacceptable behavior.

Mr. Andrews then witnessed the fire brigade arriving. The alleged offender was removed from the tree by force, where she was restrained until state medical workers arrived to assess her mental condition. The alleged offender was heard to shout, “It’s not my fault he has a death wish. I’m on a freakin’ deadline!”

The alleged offender will be detained for an undetermined period of time, until she displays the necessary composure to return and function as a normal member of society.

  

THIS IS HOW I FEEL SOMETIMES.  THE BIRDS JUST DON’T SEEM TO GET IT.

Us writers… sometimes we get touchy. For me, I’m usually at my worst when I’m reaching the final stages of my manuscript and the light is visible at the end of the tunnel. I want- no I need everything to happen quicker than it is. I feel like if I don’t get things down today, or preferably yesterday, then I’m liable to forget all of the perfectly imagined scenes that have plagued me for weeks already, waiting impatiently to be penned. Or more accurately smashed out against laptop keys with an electric fury. I like to call this period of writing ‘The Rage’.

While mid-Rage (like other authors, I’m sure) I may or may not have the tendency to overreact to minor distractions and interruptions.

Possibly.

I’ve been known to shoot my husband an exasperated look while saying,  “No, of course I don’t want food!” My body’s requirement for sustenance is obviously on hold, since I’m so unbelievably close to completing my book that it understands I don’t possibly have time to eat. I survive off my fat reserves during The Rage. I know this. My body knows this. And now so does my husband.

Thankfully, my better half also understands my need for complete control over my surroundings when I’m summiting the final haul of my mountainous battle to Complete The Book. He doesn’t mind me screaming out of the window at the amateur-hour workmen doing very important ‘construction’ work (digging a big hole). He doesn’t mind me walking around in my mermaid-print PJs during the day, because I’m too angry at the disorganized state of my wardrobe to consider rooting through it to find something appropriate to wear.

I’ve tried to change. I even tried yoga, which, for me, was an incredible step into uncomfortable territory. I’m more likely to attend a Muay Thai class than Pilates. Let’s just say, the tranquility didn’t stick. I’m never going to be the flower power-type hippy with a daisy in my hair, concentrating on drawing my consciousness into my crown chakra. That’s just not me.

So I do other things. I run; I listen to raging music to match my raging mood; I manage to growl in such a way that implies I’m not beyond chewing off a limb if anyone disrupts my flow. I’m sure most authors out there must have coping mechanisms prepared for the most stressful parts of their writing processes. I’m keen to learn what they are. Who knows- maybe I’m not the most psychotic person to ever abuse a laptop.

There have to be hundreds of potential remedies to cure The Rage. If anyone feels like sharing their sure-fire tips for guaranteeing they don’t end up in a tree, brandishing novelty colored kitchen utensils while mental health workers discuss the best way to jimmie them into a straight jacket, then please feel free to share!!!

In the meantime, I’ll concentrate on blocking out the world and writing some more books. I hope someone, somewhere out there, likes them.

This post was written for The Writer’s Voice. You can check out their awesome interviews and guest blogs, as well as the stupendous brilliance posted by the rest of the crew, by hitting the button on the top right of this page.

Thanks!

I don’t want to clean all the things, or iron stupid shirts! Just so you know!

This is it right here. Pretty much sums up my day. Got a list of editing to do; got ARCs to order for reviewers; got bookmarks to order, and file formats to review; Oh yeah, and I have BOOKS TO WRITE!!

But no. Today I have to fill out IRS forms so I can pay taxes in America (I was sure I lived in Australia), and find lawyers and other useful people who I need to do irritatingly small jobs for me. And I have to clean all the things and iron all the shirts.

Thanks, Edward Monkton, for summing up my life thus far 😉

Book Bloggers Will One Day Rule The World!!!

Well…

Maybe they’re starting with the internet, but let’s face it- it’s going to happen. You know it. I know it. There’s a good chance the traditional publishing organisations know it too, which may explain why they’re cowering behind the sofas, whispering, we’re not home right now! They’re no doubt terrified by all the kick ass bloggers out there, pounding on the doors of a crumbling establishment, demanding to be let in or they’re gonna blow their big, bad houses down.

It’s only a matter of time.

You may wonder why I’m suddenly spouting war cries and howling at the moon, and it’s because today has been EPIC. I spent the majority of my Sunday not writing, but answering emails to amazing people from all over the world who run book blogs- the people out there devouring our work as writers, posting cataclysmically badass reviews for us (when we deserve them!) and committing the better part of their precious free time to gushing about the books they think rock. And all for the love of reading.

I can do nothing more than salute you guys. You work so hard at what you do, and you do it extraordinarily well. The times when an author relied on a publishing house to get their work out there are gone. It’s the passion and joy that you guys put into your reviews and blog sites that are making books these days, and without you all we’d be nothing!

So keep up the good work. Keep reading, keep writing, keep sharing. Keep laughing! I’ve had so many opportunities to laugh with you over the past few weeks, and my soul feels all the better for having met you.

For all of the readers out there that rely on book blogs to find out what’s hot and what’s not, who do you turn to to scout for awesome new books? Who gives you the best reviews, and who makes you smile while they do it?

Love, love, love

Frankie

p.s I was so intrigued by this book by Leslie Simon that I just had to go buy it. I’m thinking it’ll be more of a manifesto than a work of observation! Check it out!